Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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