I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
