You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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