Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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