I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
