good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
