my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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