Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
