I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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