Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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