At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
