So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
