It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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