super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
