she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
