So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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