Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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