My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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