i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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