I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
