I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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