You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this will be a night to untag.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
