she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its liver damage thursday
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
