mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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