why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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