That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
