you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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