Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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