So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
