I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
