question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
