You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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