so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
