it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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