I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
