$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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