I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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