Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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