Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
