I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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