So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
