They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
