Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
