I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
