Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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