why didn't you poke me back
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
