who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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