this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
