The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All I want is dick and wine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
