I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
