Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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