so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
