ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We left the knife in your bed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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