My brain says no but my pants say off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
