All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
