I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
