Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
