My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
