if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
