Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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