An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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