Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
