just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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