Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
handjob tips. give me some.
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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