i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
