I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize