In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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