I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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