i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
